Today's Oxymoron: "Bright Black Hole"

I'm just saying, I think it would be neat to see a giant squid get sucked into a black hole. That's all.

Today's Oxymoron: "Zen Party Trail Mix"

Sure, Europe had its vagabonds and its disreputable characters, but our modern day concept of what it is to be a loser is more American than a McDonald's fried apple pie! After all, are we not the land of great opportunity where anyone with the right amount of gumption can climb to the top of the ladder and get as filthy stinking rich as Howard Hughes, Donald Trump, or Thurston Howell III? Well, if that is true, then the rest of us must be somewhat more mediocre and, by comparison, losers in the game of Life (or Chutes and Ladders, or Candy land, or Boggle). Therefore, America presents to the world its most ubiquitous invention since the start of The Industrial Revolution: The Loser.
Of course, it's all a state of mind. Theoretically, anyone who's ever suffered disappointment is a loser, in as much as what this person has always wanted does not come his way. Even people we think of as successful might actually fit this description and consider themselves to be losers. Conversely, one can be poor but happy. As Lao Tsu (or maybe it was a fortune cookie) said, "He who knows he has enough is already wealthy."
What we are concerned with here, however, is the American-made loser. Once upon a time, everyone had his place- there were many occupations one could fill in the cities and the towns, and if that wasn't to your liking, there was always the wilderness of the Great Frontier. There were equally as many ways for Americans to live off of the land: to hunt, to farm, to fish, to trap, or to just live as simply as possible.
Sadly, our country is not the same place it was when Thoreau penned Walden. There is no more frontier, and what wilderness there is has been fenced in and tamed. There seems no escape from suburbia, or urban sprawl. There is no more refuge for those who know they do not fit in and want to disengage from this society. Such individuals are forced to live and work within the cities and within the suburbs, and even the most sparsely populated settlements demand a conformity from them that is just as oppressive. This is how our modern loser has come into being.
So many people taking up so much space results in great homogeny. Go from city to city, across the continent, and you'll find that all of the highest to lowest occupations are the same. But what of those who know that nothing on this spectrum really suits them? Those who have the means to break away do, while those without the means have no choice but to languish. Here's your loser, ladies and gentlemen.

Fuck Yuppies!

I hope that the blue tooth you're wearing lays eggs in your brain.

A bit of advice for the youth of America

The world can be a hypocritical, dishonest place. If someone is only telling you what you want to hear, then they are probably either lying or not giving you the whole truth as they know it.

Do exactly what you want to do with your life and follow your dreams, but be prepared to work very hard for it. Nothing worthwhile comes easily.

Create something- art, music, film, anything. Don't just be a consumer, be a creator.

Do not allow anyone to define abstract things like "freedom" or "love" for you. Evaluate these things for yourself.

No nation is worth fighting or dying for. People are people no matter where they're born. We cannot spread democracy to the world, especially not through military force, when we really don't have it in America.

Organized religion is a load of crap. Do not cling to one at the exclusion of all the others. Just take what you need from any (or none) of them if it helps you in life.

Our educational system needs an overhaul, yes, but please stay in school anyway. Without a good education, you allow big corporations and the military-industrial complex to do whatever they want to you.

There is no shame in being intelligent! Behind every successful revolution the world has known, there were great thinkers. Learning never ceases and knowledge can change the world.

If you do not agree with any of the above, or think that none of this is true, then I urge you to put my advice to the test. Prove me wrong. Any authority that does not like to be questioned is an authority that should not be trusted. You can either do, say, and think exactly what they want you to, or you can become your own person. The choice is yours.