Hot Gruel For You!

"Hot Gruel For You"
Digitally re-vamped sketchbook page, 2009.

"The Psychedelic Adventures of Danny DeVito's Stunt Double "
Digitally re-vamped sketchbook page, 2009.
(a collaborative drawing between me and Jeanne)

My goal in life is basically twofold: one day, I hope to make something so awesome that people won't even be able to fucking believe it. I mean so totally and completely bad-ass that nobody can ignore it, and everybody will love it and want to have sex with it. People will just be going about, minding their own business, when suddenly they'll see it, and it will stop them in their tracks! They'll collapse then and there, right on the street, quivering in the fetal position because it will completely blow their minds!
Oh sure, there'll eventually be a backlash against it - but the pungent opinions of all of the nay-sayers will only pique the curiosity of others even more! The raging debate over its artistic worth will ascertain that plenty of people will be talking about it for many years to come. All publicity is good publicity.
As for me I'll be laughing: "ha ha ha!" Every evening, I will wallow naked in the filthy money that my creation has made for me. I'll light a cigar with a $100 bill and blow smoke in the face of my biographer as I dictate the story of my amazing life to him. "Oh sure, I was down on my luck for a while," I will say, "But I didn't realize at the time that not getting strapped down with some stupid day job was the best thing that could have happened to my career. I mean really, how could I have thought of something like this if I were sweating my balls off in a Chuck E Cheese costume, serving sub par pizza to ungrateful brats every day?"
My other great ambition, which will take place because of the unbelievable success of the first, is to digitally encode the consciousnesses of me, Jeanne, and Daisy so that they can be uploaded into indestructible android bodies after we die. We will even be able to merge into one super android, and a little robot Daisy will be able to "eject" from our chest, just like Soundwave from Transformers.
We'll say, "Daisy! Eject! Operation: defecation" And she'll shit on whoever we want her to (and yes, it has been proven that feces can be artificially created- look up "The Cloaca" if you don't believe me). Then and there, all mysteries of existence will be solved. We will all move on to immortal android bodies, colonize outer space, and lock arms and sing Queen's "We are the champions" in one big, jubilant celebration.